blessing after blessing

I've been lousy (it should be spelled in ALL CAPS really) this past. It's just been totally crazy at work, and call it a faulty time management from my end - it really is.

Nevertheless, here I am once again - what with the 2009 just started to roll... Allow me to look back on the blissful year that 2008 was!

I've always proclaimed boldly, with so much conviction, how I am blissful. I recognize blessing after blessing in my life as coming only from God. Yes, call HIM the One solely responsible for each and every blessing that's come my blissful way. One morning, in my prayer time, I read in a reflection from the book of Psalms: "Whatever the appearances may be at times, true happiness is for those who are faithful to the Will of God." Blissful further defined in my oh-so-reliable Mac dictionary states, "extremely happy", "full of joy", "providing perfect happiness or joy".

With all those said, I really need not say much more. Just the same, there is much more to say. Much more blessings to share. With conviction, I dare say and share:

As written in the Gospel of Matthew 6:33 - "Seek Ye first the kingdom of God and everything will be added unto you." That couldn't have been said any better.

2008, for me, was all about responding to God's call to serve HIM, foremost through Lingkod, the Catholic faith community I belong to, and doing so has fulfilled my very being - desires and joys included. Don't get me wrong - following HIM and spending sooo much of my time in Lingkod activities did not make life perfect for me; the journey, as in all journeys of every single being on earth - saint and sinners alike - was not all smooth-sailing. As in every normal person encounters, life was full of ups and downs, I still went through and fought against so many difficulties and challenges, trials and temptations. I have to say I fought many victoriously, with God as my sole source of strength; other times, I was being the typical worldly person, fighting my way, relying on myself, my wits, my human power - yes, my usual, "I am superwoman, I can do anything myself" righteous mantra. Needless to say, I fell into the traps and drowned myself into the deep pit of worldliness and all that jazz. Shame on me, yes. After all, I am only human. This is who I am, strengths and weaknesses all accounted for. There were moments when I felt unworthy - unworthy to serve Him, unworthy to attend community activities, unworthy to hear Mass, unworthy even to pray. Yes, I wallowed in self-pity, self-hatred at worst. 

Talk about being blissful, huh?

Of course, it didn't end there. GOD is truly an amazing One. HE is the only epitome of unconditional love - I've said this one too many times but that's exactly how I would put it - on a very, very personal note.

God's unconditional love is manifested in all these blissful, beautiful joys of the year that was.

*Serving God through community with amazing, inspiring, loving brothers and sisters has been an ultimate, fulfilling source of joy and contentment, completion even I dare say. After a long day's work, when all I can think of is heading home and straight into the comforts of my cold bed and big, fluffy pillows, I attend community activities and suddenly, I am rejuvenated and inspired by the smiles, stories, hugs, and teachings - and I realize all the more that this is as heavenly as it can get here on earth. Imagine what awaits us in our true home in heaven!

*The love only a family, God's basic unit of community, could ever shower you with - my father, ever the stronghold, the sticky glue that keeps all of us together and rooted in God's grace; mother, who is the source of great joy and laughter; my sisters, who I can simply be myself with, who I can laugh and cry with through everything thrown my way, who can be downright honest (and mean, sometimes, if I need it haha) with me about just anything; my little BIG brother, who is as protective as he is loving (in his deadma, nonchalant, macho brotherly way); my super bundle of joy, Bieni, who is my source of daily doses of killer smiles and giggles, who, at age 6, speaks her mind and tests my wits every single day.

This is only my immediate family we're talking about. I haven't yet gotten to the extended family part. And we're a big bunch - headed by our matriarch Mamita - who, this past year - has, of course grown older and seemingly more loving and more expressive at that. As in every single year, she gathers the family for whatever occasion and reason she can come up with herself! We got to travel together as a family this year and visited Beijing where Mamita's favorite (and youngest) son is now based. It was a fun trip, to say the least! (our fun pictures are at my multiply site http://maicarodriguez.multiply.com/photos/album/81/Beijing_in_the_Fall_FREEZING_COLD).

*I wake up every single morning at 6:30 almost always without fail - this astonishes my sisters, my friends! Somehow my body's so used to this, my alarm need not go on before I actually get up! I don't fear Mondays (like most people I know who work do, i.e. my sister who used to work for Kenneth Cobonpue, Pancho who's a banker, etc.), I don't check the clock and wait till it's time to go home (gosh, sometimes I wish there were more hours in a day!), I don't look forward to weekends because that would mean another end of a work week - nope, nope. All these, I feel strongly, are such blessings because my work is a blessing! I LOVE my work. Don't get wrong, working for a family business doesn't make it technically easier just because I'm my own boss and I have my own work time but because I LOVE it simply, I have such passion for what I do. Don't get me wrong, I do have my stressful days - I do have days when I wanna strangle others or myself even! But that doesn't change the fact that I love what I'm doing!

*Ormoc is a beautiful blessing in itself! Everything about it really - specially that people I love are here: my family, my berks (except for you Idamae, but your heart's in ormoc after all), my work & business, my community, many many other things! I wasn't born here but I was raised here, I spent my elementary and secondary schooling here, etc etc etc. Oh well, I think Ormoc feels betrayed now that it seems I'm appreciating it only now that I'm about to leave it (long story, another story altogether) but then again, I've always loved this place - I've always preferred this place over other cities where I could've ended up in. This is where I always dreamed I'd raise my own family, where I'd die and get buried.

*My relationship with Pancho established its beautiful, "official" beginnings in 2008 (during my 26th birthday)! As if to cap our already big year, he proposed to me just as the year was about to end! Yes, Pancho and I are engaged to be married! (the engagement story would be a different blog entry altogether) I remember the moment we hugged after I said yes, I was sobbing like anything and all I could see clearly was the clear blue sky, the calm sea, and the bright sun shining on us, I strongly felt God's love - more than anything, more than my love for Pancho and his love for me, I felt God's GREAT and AMAZING love not just at that moment but all throughout my life! It was just overwhelming!

Truly, at that very moment, I felt that my year was about heeding HIS call, and how HE truly blesses HIS servants faithfully; how HE truly fulfills faithfully HIS promises... ALL IN HIS PERFECT TIME. 

reminiscing

Thanks to Angela for this gorgeous pic from long ago. :-) Seemingly classic, huh?

That's me and Chooby during the "matchmaking days" - thanks to his cousins. End of June 2007.

Look how far we've come, Pantaleon!

found!

Thanks to the technology of the web, I have been found!!! 

When I started this blog a couple of months ago, it was only my sister, Ivi, who ever knew about it - I chose for it to be just that because I wanted this blog to be an outlet for my silliest, deepest thoughts, or whatever would fill my mind and emotions. I never mentioned it to anyone else, not even to my dear Pantaleon, who I talk to and share precisely every silly and deep thought with! Then again, you can never undermine the power of the web!

True enough, an old friend from long ago (too long ago!) surprisingly sent me an email after chancing upon my blog after doing some google research. It was a beautiful surprise to say the least. 

Then after mentioning this to Panch a couple of days ago, he laughed and said, "try googling my name". Then I did. Again, my blog came up! Darn that guy, he "found" my blog a month ago and didn't mention it because he didn't want me to stop writing. Baby, only my busy schedule (which has been the case these past months) can ever stop me from blogging away! :-)

To be continued... (Apparently, my schedule is busy as it is even on a Sunday, I'm squeezing this time to mini-blog while in a meeting!)

isang tulog nalang

Literally meaning "one sleep to go"! Yeah, it doesn't sound grammatically correct, thus the quotation marks! Nonetheless, it means just that! After going to bed tonight, I shall wake up early tomorrow morning, say my prayers, have my brewed coffee, and head on to the airport to pick up my Pantaleon!

We started our countdown the moment he booked his flight back home at a 110 days to go! Can you imagine that? 110! The countdown killed me! That meant 3 months and about 3 weeks!

But GOD has been amazing along the way, blessing us faithfully, showering us with HIS unconditional love and graces - the 110 day journey, as I look back now, has been one wonderful ride for both him and me. After all, it's all been crazy difficult for both of us to be THAT apart THIS long! This and that. Great!

BUT the long wait is over. THANK GOD! I can't thank HIM enough really, but I dare say THANK YOU LORD for the one day that's left between us.

can't wait for my own!

In addition to my last blog entry, I'd have to say this was one of the most beautiful parts of the wedding. It was quick and short but it was well-edited, well-made, it brought us to tears (yes, again, in addition to the crying I already did on the video itself). See for yourself!

Truly, truly, I can't wait for my own. Franz Arrogante, you better be free for me that day! :-)

i love weddings all the more!

It was a most awaited wedding - what with it being the first among the apos in our big clan! 

Melissa, who's the 2nd oldest grandchild (the eldest being Joefrance), tied the knot with a much deserving guy, now known to the family as cousin number 35, Chichu Seno, on August 2nd. It was such a beautiful wedding, words are not enough to describe it - photos perhaps would, so please click on this entry's title. :-)

As you can see in the photos, it was a Filipiniana-inspired/themed wedding. Color motiff was matte gold and bronze (hmm, there was a more detailed description of the exact shades of the colors I mentioned but I can't recall it as accurately). The gorgeous bride and groom wore Philip Rodriguez - Meli in a tube gown but with a panwelo over it (simply amazingly beautifuL!) and Chichu in a Barong Tagalog, of course. Simply beautiful creations - you can't expect anything less from a Philip creation after all. The rest of the entourage in Ternos by Felix Yu - equally beautiful, I'd have to say! 

The ceremony was solemn and simple. The reception was lavish and fun at the lovely garden of White Sands! Thanks to free flowing champagne and other booze, the party was fun as fun could get!

It was such a family affair with everyone flying in from as far as Toronto, Canada! 

Till the next wedding in the family, guys! God willing!

de-stressers

I've had crazy weeks this just past - working six days, instead of my usual five then just having a lazy Saturday (sometimes still at the office but doing just nothing really) but that time has long been gone. Now, it's six crazy days 9-6 every single day. Those and more. Problems with employees (all 240 of them), prices of our product ingredients increasing here and there, regular recosting of our products just to keep everything afloat, the list goes on.

I'm not saying life sucks because of any of those. Every single stressful day, I pray I rise above it and continue to remember how blessed I am. I've said time and again how I have such a blissful life really. I continue to say I can't thank God enough. Amidst and after a long rough day at the office, I am blessed to have the following "de-stressers" I can always count on to keep me sane, to remind me of my simple, blissful life:

*Early morning walks and jogs around the village across ours (the roads around our immediate area are way toooo rocky to have a decent jog!). Armed with my jogging attire and reliable ipod, I walk and then jog some to my cousin Juni's house, to hopefully wake her (so far, she hasn't!!!), then just savor the early morning fresh air and the sun's bright rays while walking, jogging, contemplating on how my day is going to be like. It somehow starts my day right.

*My freshly brewed cup of coffee - a must! This truly starts my day right. Always has, always will.

*BIENI. She is my sunshine. "Ate", she'd call me, and hearing it just simply melts away whatever stress is holding me back, pulling me down, killing me. What with her gazillion questions - a typical trait for any super-smart six-year-old, I take it, and to add, her gazillion and one amazing observations and takes on everything - life, people, places, events. She can be a handful at times - trust me, it gets tiring too, especially when you're dying to get a good night's sleep and she still can't. "Ate," I hear her call out to me again. It just never stops. It also never fails to tug at my heart.

*Bonding time with Mamita... Ever since she's been on "house arrest" (imposed by her doctors, children, grandchildren, and weak knees) more than a month ago here in Ormoc, I've made it a point to spend time with her before I went to the office and right after, on some days, I drop by after hearing Mass at noon. Despite Mamita's loud, booming, typical-Rodriguez voice, just sitting with her, listening to her gazillion stories about her life, is de-stressing enough. I listen to her talk with childlike glee about her love story with Lolo (who passed away even before any of us apos were born), her notorious adventures with Tia Inday (her closest cousin) when they were growing up in Casilda, Puertobello (about twenty minutes' drive from Ormoc), etc. She'd always make it a point to have her help serve me with fruits, food, chocolate - she knows how big my appetite is, it's embarrassing. She enjoys listening to me read her emails from her doctor, the thoughtful Dr. Yuri. She'd ask me every once in a bit about my life - work, my relationship with Pancho, and the like. Mamita is simply amazing. She has her "moments" too every once in a while, but all in all, she's the best grandmother one can ever hope for. Being there for her is more than all the de-stressing I need.

*Chatting with my sisters. Thanks to Skype, chatting with my Cebu-based sister Ivi and Manila-based sister Yani has never been this easy, convenient, and CHEAP! Free at that. What with the advent of webcams, we always talk while looking each other in the eye. We catch up on the latest with each other - weight loss (Ivi's end), gazillion drawings (which are superb, I have to say, Yani), and lots lots more - from the silliest, funniest bit to the more serious ones. Nonetheless, regular catching up with them strengthens the bond we share. Even more so, having them to talk to about anything is simply such a stress-reliever. These girls know me more than anyone else does, they know how to cheer me up when I need it, they know my strongest, weakest points...

*Tuesdays with kids.

Beginning this month, I have been spending an hour on Tuesdays volunteering for catechism classes with 3rd graders at a public school in Bantigue (where my mom grew up), about 15 minutes' drive from home sweet home. My classes with them kids are at 730 in the morning. Yes, 730! Which means I've been waking up and getting ready for my long busy days way earlier than normal the past Tuesdays. It's been amazing! To say the least, the kids light up and start my day right. Every single Tuesday this past month. I realize all the more my passion for teaching little ones. It's fulfilling enough to catch their attention, have them listen intently to everything I say and share. I could see in their innocent eyes their hunger for knowledge about God. Don't get me wrong, it's not all ideal - like in every class, there are the notorious bunch of kiddos, too. It gets crazy at times. But it's fun and fulfilling just the same. And yes, though needless to say, I continue to look forward to each and every Tuesday thereafter.

*PB time. Need I say more? (My sister Ivi would answer a big NO - what with her saying I talk too much about him in my blogs - so yes, am enumerating it just the same but not saying much more.) Simply put, I LOVE THIS GUY TO DEATH.

*Sundays - rain or shine.

This is a Rodriguez tradition through and through. Sundays are kept sacred and by that I mean that it's time alloted - always without fail - to be with the big Rodriguez clan. Most times Mamita heads the always happy, riotous family! It's usually at our family beach house or if everyone's too lazy or too busy (with kids' exams that week and the like), we end up in one of whoever's house, usually Tito Bingcol's (which is like 3 minutes' walk from our home) since they have a big swimming pool and kids just love jumping into it as soon as they set foot at their familiar territory. Needless to say, the food abounds, we like saying, Sundays are feast days. PERIOD. If you starve all week or go on a no-eat diet (yeah, that exists!), Sundays are an exception. You just can't help it - seeing everyone else pigging out, enjoying the yummiest dish! It doesn't end up with the sumptuous lunch. Family time lasts all afternoon, and there are even some Sundays when it lasts till dinner and after. I'm not kidding here. We simply don't get tired of each other's faces! We love chatting, laughing about anything and everything!

*FOOD & "BERKS" (aka friends/cousins).

Food and great friends/cousins make the best company on an uberly exhausting, stressing day! And this happens more often really, what with everything in Ormoc accessible via a 5-10 minute drive. At the end of a pretty long day (darn, sometimes even in the middle of the day), it would just take a single instant message on yahoo messenger or a text message (on more urgent times, a call) to get everyone ready for a quick end of the ranting with snacks, a meal, or whichever suits our ranting mood. All in all, they make the best de-stressing companions.

*Spa, spa, spa.

Thanks to Home Sweet Home Spa, getting pampered with an amazing massage is just a call away! Getting such a gooooood massage just takes all the stresses away and I mean away!!!

*All in all, the best de-stressing among them all is pure quiet time in church. When everything seems hopeless, too exhausting, nothing beats the quiet ambiance and silent feel of the church. Truly the best de-stresser I can recommend - just being able to pour out everything to God, knowing He is the best listener; what's more, He speaks volumes in the silence - directs it to the very heart of the person.

With all those de-stressers... stress anyone? 

long overdue

Life's like that. Or so it says in one of the Reader's Digest regular columns. 

I've had so much of life the past week - what with work overload at the office, natural calamities here and there, utmost happiness with my family, fun & laughter with friends, unconditional love from God, inspiration from my community brothers & sisters, pure contentment with PB. Life oh life. Can't get enough of it.

***

I arrived early morning Thursday from Manila. Spent a good, good three days there with family. Flew in Monday (a day before my parents did) and was met at the airport by my sister Iana (who's starting life anew as a fashion design student) and Sam, one of my closest cousins who's presently a Manila resident, what with reviewing and taking exams for her medical career in the US. Life's great! Spent the afternoon and evening with them, shopping on the side, food bingeing on the other (I must say, Manila offers the best in this arena). Those, and catching up on each other's lives. It's funny how life turns out - Sam used to be my roomie when we were in college, now she's housemates with my younger sister. The fun-ner part even was when the following morning, we chatted and video chatted at that with our other cousin, now married and North Carolina-based, Karen, who's about to give birth any time now - it was like the old days - me, Karen, Sam. Sad part is that all three of us are living our own lives, separated by distance, joined by blood and sisterhood. I miss those girls, we practically shared lives together in college, and even through most of our childhood, what with our moms being sisters and then some. Oh well. Life's simply like that - takes us to where we're meant to, having to let go of happy pasts and looking more to the brighter future out there, even if it means growing up and living lives separately - thousands of miles separately.

***

My entire family was granted US visas on Wednesday - of course, less Tingtong who couldn't make it to the scheduled interview because he had an exam. Oh yes, dear Brod is in Med school now and I can't be any prouder! 

The whole process was nerve-wracking, what with dear Me up at 3:30 am (for our scheduled 8:00 am interview) because I had to check and re-check our papers - that I didn't miss something out. My greatest worry wasn't even a denied visa - it was more of that I missed out on something and that we wouldn't be interviewed AT ALL. My family - especially my mom who flew in for that (read this: she LOATHES flying) - would kill me! So there, THANK GOD, everything just went smoothly. Visas granted and all, it was such an experience! I'm presuming I don't need to line up that long line and waiting to be questioned and questioned at that during the interview for another ten years??? Crossing my fingers, the visas haven't arrived yet.

***

A couple of things noted:

> I just checked and realized I haven't been blogging for more than two weeks now. It's just been long, I don't even wanna recall as much.

> I've been caught up and recently just finished watching the entire first and apparently ONLY season of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - it's a good watch! I can't imagine why it only lasted a season. Hmmm, now it got me to thinking it must be the Amanda Peet factor. She starred in this series and then another a long time ago - Jack and Jill, which also just lasted a season or two. Hmmm. But I loved both! 

> I just had a sumptuous lunch and dessert at Tito Lito's what with it being a Fiesta tradition - it's also my cousin Marvin's birthday, so it's always a sumptuous one every single year. I had my favorite choco-chip pound cake after lunch, and man, needless to say, I am filled to the brim.

My cousins/aunts Joy and Virna (when I was younger, they refused to be called aunts/titas because they're practically just a few years older, or so they claimed), together with their better halves, and I chatted - well, it was mostly them interrogating me again about the present status of my love life. They kept telling me how I should get married soon because I'm not getting younger - what in the world are they talking about, I'm only 26! There it goes again. I should actually get used to this by now - after all, before Choobs and I got together officially, talks about us being in a relationship flew like anything around town; then when we were finally together-together, talks about us getting married soon spread. Darn this whole reality of Ormoc mentality - people presuming ahead, coming up with the juiciest advance news more than anything. PB and I actually just laugh it off, after all, it's good news (it's TOO good a good news) - people around just more excited than we are. Don't get me wrong, both PB and I are super excited, we're looking forward to OUR happy togetherness for always, but we want it according to our own pace. If that wasn't enough interrogating, my younger cousin Alyssa, who's in high school, comes up to me and tells me another juicy advance news - her classmate Carlos, a cousin of PB, asked her when PB and I were getting married because he heard from his Lola that we are getting married already. Whoa. Advance party, get ready! These are all exciting news really. I can't help but be excited, blush and all. Then again, it's just too good a news for now. PB and I wait in eager anticipation, like we always say. God still is the one who knows best. And we leave it all to Him. 

> Mamita's back! Finally, after more than a month (almost two???) of her being "stuck" (she used this term herself) in Cebu because of herpes zoster and many other body aches & pains, she's finally home. As soon as she arrived yesterday, I quickly sent a quick text to the entire family about her arriving, then arranged dinner plans - what a BIG dinner it was indeed, considering it was just with short notice. The sumptuous dinner (it's about sumptuous this whole weekend) included CRABS (a family favorite!!!), lechon manok (a safety blanket, for the kids really), spicy beef (YUMMY), and pancit. The crabs did it for us. The highlight of the evening. 

Mamita seemed better and more active than the last time I visited her about a month ago. She was up on her feet but still feeling the ache, she walks slower now, and needs assistance as she does so. My only fear is that since she's back home, she'll go back to her hectic every day schedule - attending to her bakeries and farms. She keeps forgetting she's no longer 40, that she's 75 already! I admire her diligence and workaholic attitude, but I think at that age, she ought to be thinking about which country to visit next, instead of worrying about her businesses which are in good hands really. Dang, at that age, I'd have travelled all over the world already, or so I hope I'd be able to. God willing!

Mamita oh Mamita.

She is an admirable woman. She was a widow at a very young age, what with ten kids to raise on her own, the youngest of the brood, Tito Pao, was actually only about 8 when Lolo died. My father, the eldest among the sons, was then a second year Medical student. But of course needless to say, Mamita made it through. Excellently at that. Now, all her kids and grandkids too, take turns in caring for her. I just hope one day she realizes this truly and allows us to. She still fights her way through everything. Hopefully, she lets us return to her the countless favors. She is something. And I truly know that I don't think I'll ever grow old to be even half the amazing, great person that she is.

Life. It is what it is.

Happy fiesta, Ormocanons.

he put HAPPY in OUR "happy friday"

So I get to the office on a "happy friday" (as my PB would always greet me with)...

Our ever-reliable guard office, Rinald, tells me I have a package, I look at the delivery receipt, and there it was. Another SURPRISE from my Pantaleon! It seemed like a heavy package, the way Rinald carried it and propped it on my desk.

Tan-tanan... Drum rolls again, I hear...

I opened a box filled with all sorts of goodies from First Republic Bank - that's where my PB works. You name it, there it all was... 

... from mouse pad to umbrella, visor, cap, diary, notepads, POST-ITS (I soooo love post-its!), stuffed toy (of their bank's "mascot" or something), bags, coloring book, crayons, pen container, pens, mini-flashlights, wine cork opener, luggage tag, mini notepad, stickies, wall calendar, the list goes on!!! 

Above is the only non-First Republic Bank goodie! It's a contact lens case, SOOOOO cuuuuttteee!!!

Directly above is the HIGHLIGHT! That's the pen container which could be opened in half, and revealed THIS gorgeous picture of my Pantaleon. Read the note. Darn. That guy. Hahaha.

The surprise was sucha stress-reliever; came just in time (talk about perfect timing again!) after having such a loooongggg week! That guy. Again.

The year-diary thingie was something else. I realized only later on when I skimmed through its pages that he had written something on some dates... THE BEST WEEKS EVER he wrote (quite messily really!) on those 2 weeks last March when he was here. Then he added "Finally once more" on August 29th (yup, he's set to arrive then! God willing!). That got to me, I couldn't help but cry.

Amongst all those sweet-everythings was a card, lilies on the cover page with two dragonflies (he "cheesily" told me it was him and me - tooooo sucky cheesy, PB! Haha!), then an entire letter inside. He wrote about missing me soooo much and how he looked forward to seeing me real soon. Hayyyyy if he only knew how much more I looked forward to it, more than anything! Most importantly, he wrote about the significance of the goodies he sent - that even at work (where he spends most hours of the day at), he thinks of me all the time. He related to me how he told his boss, Sherry, about his little surprise package and how she thought it was the sweetest, how she suggested a few stuff and all. Darn that Leon.

***

"We not only read the same book, on the same page, we read the same paragraph together" - or something to that effect. He says that about us to his friend Reilly. 

For the nth time, I love THIS GUY to death.

For the nth time... enough said. 

on the long Tuesday and fate

Choobs and I walked down memory lane today during our afternoon dose of chitchat. It was a good walk, a good talk... reminiscing the oh-so-recent past. We realized it's almost been one year since we first met, how time flies really. But on the other hand, he keeps saying how he feels as if he's known me longer, how it almost seems he's known me forever. I can't argue with that. Cliche-ish as this may sound, I feel exactly the same. Darn again, I love this guy to death. I realize this once again today...

***

I had such a crazy morning, what with work piling on top of the other. As my cousin Monic and I would put it, it seemed like there was a Carlota Hill pile on our desks (read: Carlota Hill is our old home, where Monic and I used to be neighbors), we would then beat each other out by saying, oh it's become a Mt. Apo (the highest peak in the Philippines) already. So the story goes...

Going back to a supposedly and normally cool, calm Tuesday it turned bad for me, oh to put it on better, subtler terms, it was plain crazy. Is that subtle enough? Darn. I had a long crazy morning. What made it worse even was when my broadband connection went dead, I then tried to contact tech support from the local office, but was refused any support, they instead forwarded me to their hotline which took forever and one idiot-of-a-tech-support and a more pleasant one to finally resolve the problem. If that wasn't bad enough, I had to deal with all the animosity at 12 noon!!! I could've eaten them darn tech support alive.

Imagine my intense mood, getting over it only a bit while enjoying a yummy, spicy chicken adobo (thanks to my dear Yani who's now a bum, cooking for me while I took on her workload - I still love you forever Yanininini). Twenty minutes later, I was back in my newly-acquired desk (NO thanks again to Yani). 

All those rough, "sapot" times in the morning, I looked forward to taking even a bit of a break and talk to Choobs. Alas, he wasn't Skype-online. Of course I knew he was going straight to the gym from work (to burn off all those "pospas" and adobo he filled himself to the brim the Sunday before at Tita Maite's) but it didn't stop me from wishing he were home instead to cheer me up and de-stress me from work-stress and "sapot". Darn. Then again, reality bites, as in always - hard. I realize all the more once again how very far apart we are, that I can't have him in one snap. That this is our reality. For now, we both keep telling each other. 

Then Choobs calls me, I tell him about my very bad morning, I sob, letting out all my frustration - he falls silent, tells me how bad he feels for not having been there for me. Then again I remind him, we both chose this situation, that he wouldn't have known I was going through such a tough morning after all. He says he just wished he were there for me. Darn, I love this guy.

After several attempts of making me laugh, cheering me up with his hilarious antics, I give in. This guy is it. We laugh, fall silent, laugh again.

He tells me how earlier, as he was having spam and eggs for dinner, hanging out at his patio with Dollar and Lady (his adorable dogs), he suddenly thought again about me, us, and how strongly he felt about fate being responsible for us - how he feels everything between us was, is, and continues to be timed almost perfectly every step of the way. He once again said how he feels God was, is, and continues to be behind everything that's going on for us. I was just awe-stricken. After all, I never doubted for one second how I know God has always been behind everything for both him and me, for both of us. But for him to put God in the equation like that (don't get me wrong, Choobs does believe in God and all but he just isn't so vocal about it or is as big a "fanatic" as I am with being vocal about God and community) just got to me... Don't get me wrong again, Choobs and I talk about our faith all the time - we've always shared the same beliefs and values. We may have our differences somewhere, but we don't argue or fight each other out, trying to win over the other; instead we respect each other's differences - with opinions and what-not, letting our values win over; letting our respect for each other win over.

Walking down memory lane, we recall how we both had our "moments" (aka THE moments when we both realized how we felt for each other). HIS was when he was flying home from his visit last year, yes that trip when he met me. He says it was then he realized he liked me, that there was something about me and how we met, that made him pursue things. Pursue he did... MY moment was in September when he didn't call me for four days. It was unusual of course because he called me at least every other day. So when he didn't for four days, that got to me. I got worried, I hated myself for feeling that, for being at all affected. That's when I knew. 

***

I hear Mass after work. I thank God for the long day. I thank HIM once again for the beautiful gift that is Choobs and our relationship. Truly, I cannot thank HIM enough. Each and every single day, HE affirms Choobs' presence in my life, even when I falter along the way, even when I don't deserve such a beautiful, beautiful blessing. This and many many more.

once upon a looooong week

It's been one long week, I'd have to say. So much has transpired. To even recall the past week's day-to-day going-ons is exhausting in itself. Darn.

I guess it's mostly because for the whole week I have been in denial. I have been trying to put aside (or to put it more aptly and bluntly even - I have been ignoring) the very fact that my dear sister Iana is leaving in five (5!!!) days. Last week was endorsement week for us - since she has been handling our HR department for the past two years or so - she had to endorse her entire department workload onto poor me. Workload-wise, it's fine really. I have four efficient secretaries under my turf after all. The denial part was more of the fact that I was not just losing my HR manager, I was losing my sister, friend, confidante, roommate for the past two-three years. My being in denial meant I did not entertain her nor her gazillion files (hard and soft copies alike) until she was so pissed, she sent all the soft copies via Skype send file, it made my dear Mac hang on to dear life, almost "hanging" at that; worse, she practically dumped her other non-soft copy (therefore, those real-deal folder-organized) files onto my desk. Then, with the same effect as those seen in movies, she brought home all her stuff, packing them away in a not-so-movie-fashionable "carton" (a box of one of our stocks). She packed away her stuff. For good. For real. My HR manager has left me.

But the even more painful part is the sight and sign of her leaving home. Her cluttered stuff in our room (it's MORE cluttered than usual; clutter is the normal sight of our room, ask our mother), big big big boxes, her old (antique) sewing machine cleaned and polished, all ready to go to the "malaking lupa" (aka Manila) - yes, she's leaving me to seek "greener pastures", or not quite really - she's going to fashion school end of June. Dangnabbit.

I always knew this was coming, anyway. I've always been ready for this, really. Even from two-three years back, I knew she wouldn't stay long here in Ormoc, I always knew she was meant to be big elsewhere - definitely not here in Ormoc. She was never the laidback-like-Maica type. Like my other sister Ivi (aka Iffy), I always knew she was meant to do greater things out there (out there as in Sydney, Australia - both sisters' dream destination, after they visited that land down under a few years back). Even being ready for all these, it's been difficult to adjust to - it still is, and I know it will be difficult all the more after she leaves. Bracing myself for her departure, or rather bracing myself more for her departure.

***

Today was Monday. It was even longer than the long week I had last week. More than it being a Monday, it was the first official day that Iana was out of the office - what with HR-related calls, my own-related calls, etc etc etc. 

At noon, I had to rush to Church to hear Mass. Afterwards, starving and all, my siblings and I went to our favorite Leni's and enjoyed a sumptuous lunch of Angus beef steak!!! Yes, it was perfect timing - truly a BIG monday treat! Yey! My favorite couple Nini and Martin were around to pay their usual courtesy call to their favorite (I presume rightfully) clients - US! Hahaha. Anyhow, my siblings and I decided to "bond over lunch" since our dear only brother (our favorite brother at that, haha) is off to Cebu tonight to start Medical school - yup, he's taken over my throne. Hats off to my lil bro who is little no more, and off to the real world now. We had a serious heart to heart - it became intense at one point but was cooled down by some light bickering. We are blood siblings after all, blood truly won over. We chatted about practically everything under the sun - just the usual catching up really. And more encouragement and "ra-ra" for our dear brod.  It was time well-spent with my favorite people. Ivi is off to Cebu, too, after a good looong weekend at home, what with today, a Monday, a holiday at that...

Darn. Come to think of it. I just had one hell of a day, a Monday, a holiday. Darn again. Why in the world did I slave myself on a holiday? Oh well. That's that. The holiday is over. As Choobs would always put it (enduring a long crazy day at work), "Twas just another day in paradise." Phil Collins can't agree any better.

***

At the end of the loooong day, I continue to miss PB. 81 days, we count. 2 months and 3 weeks. Darn. Darn. Darn.

***

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

I'd have to give it to Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet for their performances! Queer Kate, unsociable Jim. Not quite the perfect match but perfect enough to share a love that knows no bounds - not even a manipulated memory!

I watched this film the first time years ago but never got to finish it, it felt dragging the first half of it. Eventually, after my sister's constant raves about this movie, I watched it again a month ago and finally watch it till the end. No regrets there, really. It was a complex movie, with all its twists and turns, but it was beautiful, to say the least.

To put it simply, it was one of those movies that would affirm the same conclusion about love: that if it's meant to be, it will be - no matter what, when, where, how. There.

breakfast and all that jazz

I've never been a breakfast person! But I lllloooovvvvveeeeee breakfast food, I can eat them any time of the day! My usual breakfast comprise only of a cup of freshly brewed coffee. That's it! And it lasts me till... ummm, 10am? By then, I'd have to at least have a biscuit! Or on crazier days at the office, my tummy waits till lunch. Poor innocent bituks having to starve because master is busy, trying to earn a living. *sigh* But really, I love freshly brewed coffee, with just a bit of sugar. Love it black and strong, to keep me up and about for the next 12 hours or so! And I'd have to have my second serving after lunch, while chatting with Chooboy. Now that's a different story altogether.

Anyhow, going back to lovinggg breakfast food, I'd have to say the best ones are those shared with people who loves breakfast food as well - hmmm, does that make sense??? (Pardon me, this is one of those no-nonsense, not-too-witty, not-deep-at-all, crazy blog entry - had too much coffee this morning!)

But going back to my point, below are my best breakfast food experiences ever:

1) My sisters and I have this ritual of trying out breakfast buffets at different hotels in Cebu. Yeah, paying that much for breakfast, but at the end of the sumptuous meal, our wallets can't complain. Neither can our tummies (it's too stuffed to say anything, really)! Hats off to the Marco Polo Hotel breakfast buffet - SUMPTUOUS to the nth level! From all the different waffles, pancakes, eggs prepared in different ways, bacon, bacon, and lots of bacon (I LOVE BACON PERIOD), etc etc. Shucks, can't even enumerate all the breakfast gooodies I feasted on that time! Hmmm, I ought to try it again and give a better review... This is just me chatting away. Nonsense again.

2) My family and I took a trip to Kuala Lumpur last year and truly enjoyed the breakfast buffet at Corus Hotel (just a stone's throw away from the Petronas Towers). It was such a feast, as usual, but it was unique in a way that it had a Malaysian touch in all the dishes served. Yumyum, I need not expound. Even if there were weird (weird but yummy, nonetheless) dishes, the staples were served as well - my much needed freshly brewed coffee, lots and lots of rice, eggs, BACON.

3) Even back at home, we're not a breakfast family. My mom wakes up late. It's usually only me and Poppy who get up early, more often than not, we have coffee together. Poppy's staples: a few slices of wheat bread with his fat-free butter (does that really hold true?). There are those days, as well, when my sister would prepare pancakes for our baby sister Bieni. Those are fun, bonding moments I cherish as well.

4) I just shared a beautiful "household" experience with several sisters from my community - our breakfasts were just the best! We served all sorts of breakfast goodies - from the buwad (dried fish), tsokolate (hot cocoa), fruits (and lots of fruits), tosino (sweetened meat, is it?), longganisa (what is this called in english?), chorizo (this again what???), etc etc. On our last day, we had our so-called GRAND breakfast and grand it was! I cooked my favorite french toast (a no-brainer really but they were all in awe at what I prepared! Hahaha), then another sister prepared her famous egg omelette, oh simply D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S!!! But what actually made the whole household breakfast experience unforgettable was the joy we all shared in serving each other - cooking for each other, serving drinks, etc for the other sisters, and the like. It was simply memorable. Talk about the best breakfast experience complete with service de luxe!

5) Both Choobs and I share the love for breakfast food - well, all sorts of food really. During his last visit, the day before he was set to leave back for the States, he served me with the yummiest breakfast ever - not even a Marco Polo or a Shangrila buffet could ever beat. It wasn't grand, he cooked the usual sunny-side eggs (our fave!), chicken tosino - but all had a Pantaleon touch that made everything more delicious, more memorable! And what made it more unforgettable was that he served me all the way, he wouldn't let me help out in the kitchen at all! He told me to wait by the couch, go to sleep or watch TV. Talk about spoiling me big time! Darn, I felt I deserved it too, after all, he was leaving me the following day. :( All in all, it was the grandest, most delicious, most unforgettable - as in those breakfasts shared with family and friends. In the end, it's who you share breakfast (and other meals for that matter) with, not just the best breakfast food served. So there, breakfast after breakfast, even for a non-breakfast lover, I look forward to sharing them with loved ones, they make the best, grandest breakfasts after all.

"will you marry me?"

For many girls/women, this has got to be the most awaited question you'd want your boyfriend to pop! Hmmm, truthfully speaking now, dears. Let's be downright honest here.

Of course, it depends foremost, most importantly, from whom this question is coming from...

From a boyfriend of a decade, come on, it's just about time he does, eh?

From an old flame who refuses to just let be, who pushes his way through, thinking a marriage proposal will bring back the love that's long been gone? Tsk tsk tsk, I dare say.

From a philandering boyfriend who moves heaven and earth to win you back after realizing you are the one, and not the scumbag he cheated you with?

Or from the love of your life, the one you know you're certain you'd wanna grow old with - no ifs, no buts, not a single doubt in your head...?

I've heard of the greatest, most romantic proposals; I've heard of the worst circumstances as well...

To note some, one of my closest cousins Pia was asked that magical question some years ago by the one love of her life, Manz. This magical evening went about - amazingly arranged and prepared for - at the Shangrila in Mactan. Pia somehow saw it coming, she presumed it would. Then again, she was just as surprised when Manuel knelt infront of her, told her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, then asked THE 4-word question. Of course, Pia said YES (she presumed this occasion, after all, she already knew what she was going to answer). Almost five blissful years after, they have a set of twins and expecting more (single ones) kids in the years to come. Manuel was Pia's greatest love, and I reckon the same goes for Manuel.

Melissa, another of my gorgeous cousins, was proposed to at the paradise island of Boracay, during an all-cousins (and then some) getaway last year. It was an amazingly short weekend but it was nonetheless unforgettable, especially since after we got back from the island, we were told of this superb news! Chichu, the lucky guy to capture Meli's precious heart, was supposed to propose to her one early morning (after the all the rains the day before) when they decided to go for a walk. Alas, the previous day's almost-typhoon hindered that beautiful surprise. Still, though, all went well, the YES still coming after he proposed to her by our rooms' patio. It was just as magical! Uniting a love so pure and beautiful. The wedding is set in two months - all of us more eager than usual since this is the first grand wedding from our clan from amongst our generation; the first apo to get hitched, to put it simply.

Martin, then-boyfriend, now-husband of my cousin Juni, proposed (or sort-of, as she put it) to her during their Discovery Weekend in Tagaytay. During the retreat, they both realized they were both ready (and wanted to so badly) to start a new life together. So it went. They had such a beautiful wedding in February.

I've mentioned quite a few of those romantic "will you marry me?" moments, there are some I could mention, but would rather not (hahaha), about not too romantic (more traumatizing, actually) 4-word-question moments.

I write this blog not to share my own moment (it hasn't happened just yet, I know it will in God's perfect time, hopefully not quite too soon just yet hehehe) but to share about one moment in my friend's life when her very own philandering boyfriend proposed marriage to her... Darn, that got me. The romantic in me hugged her with glee, the bigger practical part of me told her straight out to pray for this big big big question. It was only upon hearing of her predicament did this whole oh-so-serious and BIG question become sooo scary, sooo BIG a deal to truly comprehend. Of course it comes with the territory of betrayal. Like I told her even back then, betrayal is one thing I'd never forgive nor forget easily, or not at all. Suddenly, the whole excitement of being proposed to dawned on me, truly, it is most welcome, most looked forward to under the right circumstances, because if it weren't, it would just be another one of those scenarios in your head you'd rather forget or worse, have that part of your brain holding such memory erased (I'm hearing eternal sunshine, eh?). The short-lived hysteria of the whole proposal was just that, short-lived, after taking into account (reality slamming right into our faces five seconds after the whole jumping gleeful me realized the bigger picture) my friend's betrayed emotions, all those three years, and how their relationship has actually turned for the better as soon as her boyfriend realized the great loss, thus trying to win her back now at all costs. Then again, is that enough to make up for such a big mistake (premeditated I'd even like to put it - betraying a loved one is never just an "accident" or something that "just happened). At the end of the night, I bring her aside one corner, told her I was happy for her, but that in the end, it ought to be her decision, what would make her happiest, how I thought she was such a courageous woman, and that her big decision should come with prayer, lots and lots of it...

I can't say I'm an expert in the romantic department because I'm not. I've had four failed relationships - serious, long-term ones at that. I've never been the player-type, never been the type to get involved in short-term flings. So being some failure in that field, I can't say much but speak based on my personal experiences. After all, it hasn't just been too long ago when I've finally found my "golden pot at the end of the rainbow", "the one for keeps"... And to this day, I continue to pray for God's best to truly be revealed in all the beautiful experiences which have unfolded by far. Like I always say, "all in God's perfect time" - I dare say that with conviction.

Having shared all those, I once again end this deep, intriguing plentiful-thought of a blog. Bow.

happy friday

Pantaleon greets me just this (Happy Friday, baby!) every single Friday without fail. It always has a certain "brightens my day" effect on me... and then some. To put it aptly, his cheery voice calling me almost just as soon as I settle in my desk (as soon as he gets home from work - we live at opposite ends of the world, fyi) just simply starts my Fridays right. tsk tsk

This particular Friday though, oh well, let's just say it didn't start quite right. For one, I woke up at 7:45 when I'm usually up by 6:30! Then I felt even too lazy to get up at once, realizing I was late anyways, might as well be lateR. Oh well. What a way to start a supposed happy Friday.

So there I was feeling lousy and late. Still had my usual dose of freshly brewed coffee, chatted with my dad for a bit, then with my mom (gosh, I felt SO late because SHE was up and about already); I felt even lousier-lateR so I hang out with my little sister, hugging her tight and making small talk with her. Realizing how lousier I was even getting and that I still had to shower, I finally dragged myself to the bathroom, took a long hot shower. Then I felt my Friday was off to a good start now!

Thirty minutes after settling in my desk, my favorite daily caller called - thanks lots to Skype for the free calls, Vonnage when Skype or the internet server go nuts. So there I was, brightly smiling, chatting with Pantaleon as if he was just one block away - contrary to the reality that well, he was (and is) in fact one continent away (as he put it, 6,700++ miles away - darn). Then again, life's great! We catch up (as if he haven't spoken for a decade when we actually just did less than 24 hours ago - awww, bliss) about work and the like. He was gonna watch the Lakers win over the Spurs, so we hang up.

Work went easy. Price increases right and left. Costing review every single day because of every singe week's increase in prices of commodities, product ingredients, etc etc etc. Life in the Philippines, believe you me. Two major ingredients of our bread products increased by over P500 almost overnight, the other by over a thousand. What's wrong with the world, mama?

Chatted with big boss (slash uncle) regarding all these senseless (it really doesn't make sense to me why the government can't do anything at all to protect us from such overnight increases, well, not quite overnight but seemingly so!) but very significant price increases. We talk about how much higher this is going to cost us, etc. Stressing issues. So we de-stress by chatting about how the Lakers were killing the Spurs, only to win by 8 points, taking home the Western Conference title. Great, I think to myself, Pantaleon jumping up and down like a kid now.

Heard Mass during noon, as in every single day for the past month now. Hearing Mass in the middle of the day always brings me such a feeling of calm, rejuvenation, and high & happy expectations for the rest of the day. 

Going home for a late lunch is another thing I look forward to daily, what with my Bieni lazily slouched in her corner, watching her usual Disney shows after having lunch. Lazybone. Love that kid lots, still. Such a source of pure delight - I especially love our late night chats, when she talks about the world the way she perceives it to be. It's just nutty, but it continues to amaze me how differently (almost too innocently) kids these days see the world. In their eyes, the world is so pure and simply just the most beautiful creation - don't get wrong, it is true after all. But the world these days? Gosh, I don't have to start. I'll get nowhere with this blog, so I'd rather stick to how Bieni sees it, so beautifully...

Going back to the office after lunch is such a struggle sometimes - some days I actually rush off to work. This particular Friday? I again had to drag myself to the office... I've long given up my noon naps so I could go back to the office earlier after all...

Then the excitement again rises as I get a missed call from Pantaleon, along with his pa-cute message. Darn again. That gets to me. This guy gets to me. Such a kid.

He calls again, we chat, chat, and chat some more. I talk to him about my evening with the girls last night - had a rather interesting one with Lyra, Jen, and Vannie - three of those I look up to with so much respect and admiration. I tell Pantaleon about the funny coincidence that Ate Jen & I realized - his birthday is the same as Nolitz', Ate Jen's significant other. The girls and I talked about relationships (I like how Vannie said: "good relationships are about partners holding hands and looking in the same direction"). I admire Vannie's marriage to Junjun - they are an amazing and almost-perfect tandem! I always say to myself that one day, in God's perfect time, I look forward to having them both as my ninong/ninang in my own wedding. They're simply amazing people. Beautiful ones...

Then Pantaleon and I talk about the Discovery Weekend - it's this 3-day retreat for couples considering marriage or about to get married already. Some of my cousins went through this before getting married and they say it's a beautiful experience, it sure did ready them for the big chapter in their lives. Choobs and I are thinking of attending it when the schedule permits, especially since the next trip he's taking, he's just gonna be around just a week, then the next one for New Year's there isn't a posted schedule just yet. Hopefully there will be one available for us the soonest. For now, we wait in eager anticipation. After all, everything's great for us, with us. We just wanna enjoy the experience of that weekend, and make it serve as a guide for us as we pursue our plans. Hmmm, future plans, am I talking sense here? I'm kinda freaked out at the thought really - is this for real now? I might be a bit scared - this is the very first time ever I actually feel so sure about everything; "not a single doubt", we both say all the time. Then again, all in God's perfect time. For now, I say again, we wait in eager anticipation.

Hmmm, the day isn't over yet. Am still stuck at the office, waiting for some reports, checking some accounts, hmmm. Long friday ahead, I say. But so far, it's been the usual happy friday Pantaleon wishes me... and some more. 

through, with, in Him

I have really discovered that He is the Way.  In Him, I have found all that my heart was seeking.  In Him, I found peace. In Him, I found joy.  In Him I found the reason for my existence.  In Him, I found the colors capable of filling, of coloring the sky of my small life.

-The voice of Chiara Amirante, Foundress of New Horizons

I couldn't agree any better. Truly, choosing Him always make the difference in everything. I cannot imagine life without Him in it. 

blissful love

Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you

Ahhh I am such a sucker for romantic movies, love stories (real and reel). It's pretty obvious, as can be seen by my list of favorite movies - many of which are romantic comedies, some more of the serious love stuff. Somehow, even when the movie's all too serious (purely serious), I look forward to the romantic or love-related twist to it. Oh LOVE. I always believed in it. Always have, always will.

This movie will go down in Maica history as one of the most beautiful love stories I've seen. Whether for reel or for real, its unique story transcends all other love stories out there, many of which, believe me, I've either seen or heard firsthand or some experienced firsthand.

I cannot fathom the thought of death of a loved one, let alone a husband and a first true love at that. That is just beyond me as of the moment. Can't imagine it, won't imagine it.

I'd probably deal with death of a loved one the way Holly did - realistically speaking. She locked herself up in their apartment for about a month, crying her heart out, watching old romantic movies, moping around and all. Ending up smelling like ****, I can just imagine so.

I cried my heart out the first time when Holly came home from Gerry's service and she kept calling Gerry's mobile phone, only to keep listening to his voice mailbox to pick up, listening to his voice over and over again...

Then came Gerry's birthday cake present for her a month after his death with a tape which Gerry recorded before he died. Bittersweet, I know. Even more so, letters from Gerry came one after the other, sending messages of love, encouragement, motivation, and more love. Slowly, with Gerry's letters, Holly started living again - reliving how their love started, reminding her of her passions when they first met and living it, despite the agonizing pain she was going through. 

It ends with that letter above, Gerry's last.

It was truly such a touching movie and needless to say, I cried buckets, even in the funnier, happier moments.

All in all, I'd have to say that I do pray for the kind of love these two shared, one which rose above and beyond the call of normalcy and the day-to-day kind of love. One which transcends time, death, and even simple expectations.